When you meet someone, and there are sparks… it feels so good.
That chemistry comes from your sexual polarity. In other words, the sexual tension between the two of you is due to your different energies being drawn to one another.
It creates a desire to know more. If you are having a hard time finding that spark, or you want to reignite it in your relationships, then this article is here to help.
What Is Sexual Polarity In A Relationship?
Sexual Polarity is the spark that happens when two opposing energies meet: Masculine and Feminine. Sexual Polarity comes out of dualism and Tantra. The general belief is that Masculine and Feminine have distinct energies and desire someone that demonstrates their opposite.
Each of us has Masculine and Feminine energies. The idea of sexual polarity isn’t that you have to be 100% within one energy. The idea is if you want to create stronger sexual chemistry, then you should try and lean into the opposite energy of your partner to create that magnetism.
Basically, it’s the idea that Opposites Attract.
Sexual Attraction Comes From Polarity
Have you ever been in a relationship where you are just too similar to your partner?
If you wear the same clothing, love the same movies, and have the same habits it might feel really comfortable, but it probably doesn’t arouse you.
We are also drawn towards someone that has qualities we don’t see in ourselves, but respect. Psychologist John Mayer said: “The actual attraction is over a quality you would like to develop or build up in yourself.”
Familularity = Safety
Attraction = Novelty
Sexual attraction comes out of the thrill of something new. It’s novel, exciting, and unexpected.
If you want to keep that spark alive you don’t want to become more and more like your partner. You actually want to lean into what makes you unique.
It reminds me of couple yoga, where two people hold hands and use that tension to push deeper into the stretch. You can explore a deeper range because your partner is giving you that opposition. It makes the relationship dynamic and alive.
Creating Sexual Polarity: Masculine and Feminine Energy
Masculine and Feminine energies are two sides of one coin. They are opposites of each other, yet fit together like puzzle pieces.
Here is a list of traits that are Masculine and Feminine.
It’s important to keep in mind that this is about energetic qualities and is not tied to Biology. A man can have both masculine and feminine traits.
Both men and women can have Feminine Energy.
I know many women that thrive in relationships when they take on the masculine polarity and other men that thrive in the feminine polarity.
I really like how they view this in Traditional Chinese Medicine with Yin and Yang. Within their system, everybody has both Yin and Yang. The key to good health is letting both of these energies flow.
Yang (Masculine) Qualities
Yin (Feminine) Qualities
Read more about Yin and Yang energy to explore Polarity
I like to think of Polarity as roles we play in a relationship. It helps us create that tension and difference that is so attractive. It helps keep sexual desire alive.
In the rest of this article, I will be exploring each of these energies and how you might use them to improve your relationships.
Leaning Into Your Feminine Polarity
If you find yourself on the feminine side of the relationship, then you will most likely be called to be the caregiver in the relationship. You might find yourself being emotionally attentive to your partner, seeking deep conversations, and enjoying the slower comforts together.
The role of the Feminine in Relationships is crucial. It is a reminder to slow down and enjoy the present moment. Without it, days and years can be swept away in mundane tasks.
I like to think of the feminine as “The Why” in a relationship.
The masculine partner will crave the sensual presence you offer them. It can recharge them and bring a deep comfort they don’t find anywhere else.
If you are in a relationship where your partner doesn’t demonstrate a lot of Masculine Traits, you might try to accentuate your Femininity as a way of calling out the masculine.
This doesn’t mean becoming needy and co-dependent.
You can lean into your femininity by offering creativity, playfulness, and intuition to the relationship.
Increasing Feminine Polarity
Our society tends to over-value Masculinity and forces people to suppress their femininity in the workplace. You can be constantly barraged by tasks you need to do, spend all day on linear tasks, and find it hard to get the time to be present with your emotions.
This has led a lot of people to suppress and disconnect from their feminine side.
If you want to increase the sexual polarity in your relationship, you might consider deepening your connection to Femininity.
Things you can do to connect with your Feminine essence:
- Take time to self-reflect
- Explore your creativity through art
- Be around nature more
- Indulge in your desires, tastes, and hobbies
- Enjoy the simple things and slow down
Leaning into your Masculine Polarity
The Masculine pole of relationships is all about action, consciousness, and doing. The Masculine is the force of change that desires growth and movement. It can be a powerful tool to provide for both of you, create safety, and a space for the feminine to flourish.
The role of the Masculine in the relationship creates the foundation for the connection. It’s the directive force that makes the structures needed for the relationship.
Masculinity is like the house that creates the space for the feminine to dwell in.
The Masculine is “The How” in a relationship.
The feminine craves the safety and security they find in their masculine partner. It makes them feel cared for, and free to share that kindness back in different ways.
If you are in a relationship where your partner has a hard time staying in their feminine, you might try increasing your connection to Masculinity. If you create a solid masculine structure for your partner, you might find it easier for them to drop into their feminine.
This doesn’t mean you have to take on every burden of the relationship.
This security is generally found in the little things. The small reminders that you are watching out for your partner, and thinking of their wellbeing.
Increasing Masculine Polarity
As much as society encourages masculine thinking, it often suppresses true masculinity.
Too often we are told that masculinity is about getting the nice house, bringing home the bacon, and not sharing feelings. This is a distortion of the deeper aspects of masculinity.
The masculine at its core is about action. It’s about being utterly secure in the steps needed and taking them no matter the cost.
It’s not about what you have externally, and more about how emotionally resilient, aware, and courageous you can be.
If you get stuck on the superficial aspects of Masculinity, your partner will lose trust in you.
Things you can do to connect with your Masculine essence:
- Make and complete goals
- Research how you can be more efficient in your life
- Connect with other Masculine role models
- Take on a leadership role at work or in the community
Read more: Increasing your Masculine Energy
If you are exploring your Masculine Energy you might gain a lot through Masculine Archetypes. I created a deck of cards, similar to tarot, that can help you explore your masculine essence.
Primary Energy: Which One Are You?
Sometimes it is unclear which primary energy you hold in a relationship.
The first thing to keep in mind is the role you take in in a relationship does not have to be the same as the role you take on in the world.
I think a great example of this is high-paying CEOs that like to be dominated in the bedroom. Men, or women, that take on that amount of Masculine energy in their work-life can get a lot from being in the opposite role in relationships.
It’s important to recognize this distinction, and know that if you are Masculine in a relationship, that doesn’t mean you are always in that role.
A healthy relationship usually has partners taking on different roles as needed. But, if you want more sexual polarity, you might try leaning into the energy you enjoy the most in the relationship.
The easiest way to figure out which energy is your strongest is by looking at the list of Masculine and Feminine qualities and thinking about the roles you play in the relationship.
Try doing some free writing or compilation to discover more.
I also created a quiz to help you discover your primary energy. I based the quiz on Traditional Chinese Medicine’s exploration of Yin (Feminine) and Yang (Masculine).
Depolarization: What Happens When You Lose Polarity
When you have strong sexual polarity, there will be a magnetism between you both. It’s like electricity you can’t get enough of.
So what is the opposite?
Well, that is Depolarization.
Depolarization in a relationship is when two partners inmesh their lives together in such a way that decreases sexual attraction. This generally comes from things becoming too familiar and expected.
You can think of it as a magnate that loses the negative and positive poles. What is it then… well it’s just a chunk of metal.
To increase your polarity, you will both have to push yourself to express more extremes of Masculinity and Femininity.
There are also instances that you don’t want so much sexual polarity.
A great example is when you first have kids.
It’s a lot of work feeding a newborn. It takes all the energy you have just to do everyday tasks. That is why a lot of couples lose sexual interest. This can be helpful during this intense time.
There comes a time later in the relationship, after the child has more autonomy, that you might desire more sexual energy between you both. This lack of chemistry can usually be fixed by exploring your sexual polarity.
Sexual Polarity is the spark of a relationship. It’s the thing that excites you and brings you both back together over and over.
It can be the glue that holds your relationship through the hard times.
It can also be the thing that drives you crazy.
Right after I turned 30 I was in a very passionate relationship. We were crazy about each other. The sexual polarity was constantly electric.
The problem was it wreaked havoc on our daily lives. We irritated the crap out of each other, fought, and had constant sexual tension.
It was great, but it wasn’t sustainable.
You will have to find the right balance between where you are in life and your goals. Knowing how you can increase or decrease sexual polarity is a powerful tool that can help you both bring consciousness to your relationship.
If you are interested in learning more about Polarity and Relationships, check out these articles: